February 2024: Going Back to Move Forward
Praise be to the Lord,
for he showed me the wonders of his love
when I was in a city under siege.
In my alarm I said,
“I am cut off from your sight!”
Yet you heard my cry for mercy
when I called to you for help.
Love the Lord, all his faithful people!
The Lord preserves those who are true to him,
but the proud he pays back in full.
Be strong and take heart,
all you who hope in the Lord.
Psalm 31: 21-24
Over the last few months, I have had an increase in pastoral meetings, and a common theme has come up.
Celebration and Grief
In these meetings, I have celebrated engagements, marriages, graduations, new jobs, and new babies. All marking a transition in these people’s lives. It is a privilege for me to be invited to participate in such high celebrations. However, each celebration and transition is also marked with grief. I can tell that there is a realization that “life as I know it will change.” Unfortunately, the grief is usually unwelcome and often a surprise!
Yet, this is really where I find I get to step into each person’s life with some humble wisdom. I have invited each person to press into the grief.
Whenever we reach a new season in life, our culture rightly teaches us to celebrate. While we do a great job celebrating in America, it leaves us uneducated on the other side of the coin: grief.
Why is grief important?
With every new season, we see the passing away from the “what is” to the “what was.” Grieving the passing of the season can and should exist simultaneously in the celebration. We see this in the scriptures as a healthy model for the human experience. Jesus, who was marked by the joy of the Lord, also knew how to grieve well. Additionally, the Psalms are understood to be up to 70% laments. Yet, most of the laments do not end with us wallowing in sadness: no, they often end in celebration and worship of who God is. Psalm 31 is a good example, David spends a good portion grieving the opposition from his enemies, but he still is able to see God’s faithfulness in the grief.
There is celebration in the midst of grief, and inversely, grief may be present in celebration.
When you graduate college: we celebrate the end of tests, classes, and the accomplishment of a degree, AND we need to grieve the loss of classmates, the college experience, and the school rhythm we have been part of for 16 years.
When you get married: we celebrate the new life together, the covenant of marriage, and the new family that is established, AND we need to grieve the singleness we once had, the time that was once ours, and the freedoms being lost.
When you welcome a child into the world: we celebrate the gift of a baby, the expansion of your family, and the joys of reliving our lives through our children, AND we need to grieve the quiet Saturdays, the uninterrupted date nights, and the freedoms being lost.
Grief isn’t an acknowledgment of anything going wrong. Often times, it is a welcoming of what is going right. However, if each season isn’t properly grieved, we can carry bitterness when we try to live in the past when we are in a new present.
Grieve well so that you can live well.